Hurtful things you Should Never Say to your Partner
Hurtful things! Spending quality time together and having an excellent practice of communication are some of the hallmarks of great relationships.
You cannot possibly be in a healthy relationship without these two things in place. What this implies is that a lot gets said in relationships and marriages. You get to say a lot of things, share secrets, engage in pillow talk, do some lovers’ gossip, crack jokes, poke fun at each other.
In the whole of this, it may feel like everything and anything can be talked about and that anything and everything can be said to your partner, but that is not the case.
Below we’ve listed some hurtful things you should never say to your spouse
1. What have you done for me?
We tend to ignore the efforts and sacrifices our significant other puts in for us. We see only our version of the relationship and tend to set our perception and opinions on solely those. When you are in the midst of a fight, asking what your partner’s contribution to the relationship is the most hurtful thing to say.
Efforts in the relationship don’t always have to be spoken or reminded of. Your partner might have done a lot for you without you even knowing. Understand how hurtful this is for someone who does a lot for you.
The most hurtful thing to say to a guy is to tell him he is a lazy husband, a selfish boyfriend, or he is trying to control you and not letting you fly. But when you cool down, you realise all the things he always does for you, but the worse words have already been uttered.
2. I don’t have time for that
It hurts to be dismissed with the wave of a hand, and to be made to feel as if you are an unwelcome distraction to your partner. So pay attention to any words that may sound as if you’re trying to brush your partner off. This comes across as not caring about your partner’s needs, and may make them feel they aren’t important.
3. You just ruined my day
People in successful marriages understand that there will be some good days, some off days. No matter how bad a day you’ve had, you should never tell your partner that he/she ruined your day.
You might be facing some pressure at work or having some family drama, but this doesn’t give you a reason to lash out at your partner. Saying something like this, which you don’t even mean, is something you should never say to your partner. Think about how your partner feels when you blame them for ruining your day.
The most hurtful thing to say to anyone is telling them that because of them your day has been ruined. Remember this kind of behaviour will only end up making your relationship toxic.
4. I don’t care
This is you telling your partner that you couldn’t be bothered about them, and what this does is create a feeling of abandonment in your partner and may also make them feel worthless.
5. Look at them and look at us
Every relationship is different. There’s no need to compare your relationship with anyone else’s. As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. What you might be seeing may just be a façade of the reality of their relationship. They might be hating each other like crazy when no one else is around.
Comparing yourself with other couples in front of your partner makes them feel demotivated and lowers their morale. But in the modern world of fake relationships and Social Media PDA, we end up comparing our love life with those projected in the virtual world, and we end up hurting our partners.
The most hurtful thing to say to a man is that he is unable to provide all the fun your friends are having on SM as couples. This is a mistake that can ruin your relationship.
6. I should never have said yes to you
Bringing up a former lover or relationship is the worst thing you can do. It is like telling your partner that the whole of the relationship is a mistake, something you are actively missing. Even if that isn’t true, your partner may always believe it.
7. Why do you always embarrass me?
Such a thing happens when both partners belong to different backgrounds, like perhaps in an inter-caste marriage. Your partner tries to match up to your expectations, but something or the other always lacks.
Instead of appreciating your partner’s efforts for trying to fit into your world, you reprimand them for trying to embarrass you.
The most hurtful thing to say to a man is he was embarrassing you with his lack of table etiquette at the party or he was not dressed well enough. You could apologise after saying all this, but he would never get over the hurt of such statements.
Did your partner’s efforts really embarrass you, or you just thought you would be embarrassed? You were embarrassed because you didn’t think your partner was capable enough to match up to your level. Instead of demotivating them, encourage them and welcome them into your world.
8. Stop being dramatic
If your partner is upset about something, chances are – it is a big deal to them! To downplay their emotions as a case of undue hysteria and exaggerated theatrics is not cool enough.
If you feel the need to make that statement, you should probably take a few steps back and look at the situation from their side.
9. Yeah, your job isn’t as important as mine
Respect is one of the essential elements of a relationship. In no way should disrespect be tolerated in a relationship. If you can’t respect your partner, you can’t expect your partner to respect the relationship. No matter whose job is more demanding, a job is a job, and everyone takes pride in doing what they do.
Every hurtful word uttered has its consequences. Saying hurtful things like these will only make your partner lose respect for you.
This is something most husbands end up telling their wives who are homemakers. They also end up telling this to career women who might not be earning as much as them. But this can create a permanent wound in the relationship that could be hard to heal.
10. Dress them down in public
Imagine dragging a partner in public. It is the highest form of disrespect that your partner does not deserve. No matter how out of line your partner is, or how vast the disagreement is, it is far better to be discreet and respectful when calling them to order or correct them.
Never make the mistake.
11. You’re my biggest mistake
We all have doubts regarding the relationship at some point, but we don’t ever say it out loud because we know that it’s a phase that will pass. Sometimes when things get heated up, we tend to tell our partner that getting involved with them was a mistake.
At this point, all the years of courtship are put to question just because of this phrase. Even though you didn’t mean it, your partner begins to think that you don’t love them anymore.
If you keep saying something like this, you gradually move towards an unhealthy relationship, and you wouldn’t know when you have to make all the extra effort to fix a broken relationship. Partner begins to think that you don’t love them.
12. Why don’t you try being like him/her?
The moment you tell your partner to become like someone they are not, it hurts them a lot. They might not tell you how much it hurt them, but in reality, it hurts their image, their ego and also their self-esteem.
You asking them to be like someone else gives them the idea that someone else could be replacing them if they didn’t change.
This not only threatens the relationship/marriage, but also makes your partner feel that you could be cheating on them.
13. It’s your fault
This is one of the most hurtful things to say, but the most common things people end up saying in a romantic relationship. Many a times one of the partners screws things up and the blame game begins.
Never blame your partner by telling them that it’s their fault. Even if they have made a mistake, tell them how it could be avoided and talk to them calmly instead of playing the blame game. Your partner may not have committed the mistake intentionally, and playing the blame game will only make things worse.
Sometimes it’s better to acknowledge your own fault and where you went wrong. Always telling your partner “it’s your fault”, is the most hurtful thing to say
14. I want a break-up/divorce
Well, in a relationship/marriage, all is not roses. There will be times when you want to be out. At this point of time, your frustrated self will start acting up and saying things which you don’t even mean. Every time things go wrong, you may wish for a divorce/break up.
Thinking about a divorce becomes your point of focus. After hurting your partner, you will realize that you didn’t mean it at all, but it will be too late. Don’t say phrases like “I want a break-up/divorce out of impulse.”
This hurts your partner more than anything else and could ruin your relationship in the long run.
15 You are so selfish
There are times when you feel that the relationship isn’t going your way. That doesn’t mean that you will blame your partner for the things that aren’t going according to you.
Calling your partner selfish indicates that your partner doesn’t care for you, wherein this may not be the reason for your lash out. Think of all the sacrifices that your partner has made before raising such accusations.
And ask yourself, are you the selfish one in this relationship? Look for the answer in yourself. Calling them a selfish partner is a very hurtful thing to say.
16. I miss my ex
You may be frank with your partner, but this doesn’t mean that you tell them anything and everything that comes into your mind. You need to understand that there are some things that you need to keep to yourself, otherwise you will end up hurting your partner.
Mentioning an ex and saying good things about them and comparing them with your partner is the most hurtful thing to do. Saying that you miss your ex will make your partner feel like a rebound, and she/he will start feeling inferior to your ex.
17. I’m not in love with you anymore
“I’m not in love with you anymore”, is one of the phrases your partner should never tell you. In a relationship that has gone way past the honeymoon phase, there will be several ups and downs, and attractive singles will lure you to get back in the game.
At this point you may feel that you deserve someone more attractive and may even think that you don’t love your partner anymore.
Saying this to your partner will hurt them terribly, especially when they are so committed and dedicated in the relationship. Understand your feelings properly before you say such things to your partner.
How Do You Fix A Relationship After Saying Hurtful Things?
A marriage can survive many things, but saying things listed above can literally make it weak from within. It becomes really difficult to get the same chemistry back once a marriage is damaged.
Why do we say hurtful things in a relationship? Is it because we mean it or just the frustration? Relationships and marriages are not easy. There will be arguments and fights which could end up in one partner or the other getting hurt. You need to understand how much a hurtful phrase impacts a relationship. But how to fix a relationship after saying hurtful things.
- There is no ego when it comes to love, and if you feel you have said hurtful things, apologise immediately.
- Try to understand how you end up saying the hurtful things and what the provocation is. Ask your partner not to do things that make you say horrible things to them.
- Control your own urges to say hurtful things.
- Make a list of the hurtful things you end up saying during a fight and tell yourself every day you will not do it.
- Sit with your partner and address the issues that are leading to the arguments that obviously lead to the war of words.
- After a fight and a hurtful exchange, make genuine attempts to make up. Go out for coffee, have a drink together and finish it all in bed.
Your partner will always remember what you said, and nothing that you do can take it back. It will create a wall between you and your partner which only time can heal. By the time you both recover from it, you’ll realize that there’s nothing left in the relationship/marriage. So if you are saying hurtful things to each other while fighting, refrain from it right now. See How to Resolve Relationship Conflicts without Losing your Partner