Cheating Spouse — Infidelity is one of the most challenging problems faced in a relationship. While many people are blindsided if and when they find out about a spouse or partner cheating, others may suspect it because of actions that are out of the norm.
Behavior changes, curious actions, and odd occurrences can certainly indicate that a partner is having an affair. That said, it’s important to remember that is not always the case.
When there is a cheating spouse in a relationship, it causes disconnection, and because you may feel that something is amiss that you can’t put your finger on, you may find yourself agitated with a feeling of free-floating anxiety.
In most cases, even when you confront your partner with accusations of cheating, it will be denied. Unless you have hard evidence or irrefutable proof, many will not admit to infidelity.
Here are ways to know if your spouse is cheating:
1. Changes in your sex life
Your sex life is practically non-existent, there are lots of new things introduced in sex that were never before. You learn that you have an STD, and you have not strayed.
After a few years, no relationship is as intense as it was in the first few months. That said, we do tend to bond and to securely attach over time, learning to trust one another with our secrets, our desires, and other important aspects of our lives. That process is known as building emotional intimacy. And emotional intimacy is what keeps us bonded to our significant other long after the bloom is off the rose, so to speak. So, if your partner suddenly seems less emotionally vulnerable and intimate with you and does not seem to want you to be emotionally vulnerable and intimate, that’s a strong indication that their focus has shifted — most likely to an affair partner.
2. Periods where your significant other is unreachable
If your partner is cheating on you, they are less likely to answer your calls and respond to your texts. You may hear legitimate-sounding excuses like they were in a meeting, they were driving, they were in a “dead zone” and didn’t know you were trying to get in touch. If your partner is unreachable while working late or on a business trip, that’s a bad sign.
3. Sudden change in habits
Your partner may change his or her habits for a variety of reasons. And healthy habit changes are usually a positive thing. But certain habit changes may be cause for concern
The words “I love you” are not spoken by your spouse any longer. You can’t even get your mate to fight with you. You can’t get your spouse to communicate with you (stonewalling).
4. An altered schedule
When your significant other — who never once worked late — suddenly needs to work late, and that starts to happen more and more frequently, they may be lying. If your spouse has never been away on a business trip and suddenly finds a need to travel for work, that could be a sign that they are having weekend getaways with an affair partner. Flat tires, dead batteries, traffic jams, spending extra time at the gym, and similar excuses for being late or absent altogether might also signal infidelity. A cheating partner might also suddenly be forgetful about picking up the kids, birthdays and other important events, etc.
5. Lying and Avoidance
These avoidance strategies may indicate that your spouse may be cheating. You feel as if you are being avoided. He/she doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything with you anymore.
6. Friends seem uncomfortable around you
With infidelity, you, the betrayed partner, are nearly always the last person to find out. The cheater’s friends often know about the infidelity right from the start, and your own friends are likely to find out long before you do. This knowledge typically causes these individuals to feel uncomfortable around you. The cheater’s friends might try to avoid you or be overly nice to you. Your own friends may try to avoid conversations about your relationship, and they might overcompensate by being extra nice.
When your spouse shows apathy or lack of interest in things that they used to love, communicate with them to see if there is another reason for the change in engagement. But if you also suspect infidelity, these changes may be further indication of an affair.
8. Money Issues
If there are odd charges on your partner’s credit cards, or there is suddenly less money in your or your partner’s bank accounts, retirement accounts, investment accounts, etc., that’s a possible sign of infidelity. If you ask your partner about these expenses, and their answers seem untrue, it’s likely that they are untrue. Infidelity costs money: gifts, trips, wine and dinners, hotel rooms, etc. The costs of cheating can add up very quickly. If you see large cash withdrawals or evidence of purchases from places you rarely or never frequent, that’s not a good sign.
Your significant other could display all 10 of these signs and still not be cheating. But these remain indications that something is wrong in their life and/or your relationship. It might not be cheating, but there is almost certainly something that you and your significant other can talk about. At the same time, your mate could be exhibiting none of these ten signs and still be cheating. Either way, the good news is that learning about infidelity does not automatically signal the end of your relationship. It simply means your partner has a lot of work to do if they want to restore relationship trust, make things right, and re-establish emotional and sexual intimacy.
If you learn that your partner has cheated on you, I strongly suggest that you not sit alone with that information. If you don’t feel comfortable confronting your partner, talk to a trusted friend, your pastor, or a therapist. Just don’t sit there alone with your fears and feelings.