If you are considering the lifetime commitment of marriage, or if you are already engaged and have your special date set, you will want to know these 12 pieces of advice.
Spending the rest of your life with someone else is no easy decision to make! That’s why it’s important to take the time to really get to know your spouse and make sure you are on the same page about what kind of couple you want to be.
You should never rush an engagement or a marriage. It’s the time you spend dating that helps you develop a marital friendship, learn how you get along under pressure, and where you stand on tricky issues in life.
Getting married is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. Before tying the knot, you should know your partner inside and out. That’s why we’re telling you the things you should know. These 12 things will save you and your spouse a great deal of heartache if you put them to work prior to a lifetime commitment.
Below are the 12 things to know before saying “I do” to a lifetime commitment:
1. How finances will be handled
Studies show that out of 748 instances of conflict between 100 married couples, money was the most repetitive and salient to partners than other topics.
2. Never, ever, quit
Don’t go into your marriage thinking ahead of time, “If he/she does this, I am out”. You must be open to forgiveness from the start. Regardless. No, I am not suggesting you tolerate any type of physical, mental, or verbal abuse, but, beyond these issues, learn to forgive. Show commitment to your future spouse. Don’t threaten to leave. Don’t mention leaving. Be committed. Never quit.
3. Annoying habits
Does your spouse forget to lock the front door? Are they messy while you’re a complete neat-freak? Does your spouse hum songs constantly or are they glued to their cellphone? Studies show that 1 in 10 couples admit to checking their phones during sex. Not exactly a picture of romance!
4. How you deal under pressure
Dating is all about getting to know your spouse and seeing how well you get along together. It’s also about giving the relationship time to mature and discover how you both react when unforeseen circumstances befall you.
5. Get your priorities in line
If you are accustomed to hanging out with the guys six nights a week or hanging out with the girls in clubs on the weekend, it is time to change your priorities. If you think you can put yourself in these positions after saying “I Do”, you are setting yourself up for a failed relationship. Understand this; we are not saying you can no longer have fun, but you must respect your spouse when you take your vows. You should communicate your priorities well before setting a date for the big day.
6. Career goals
How much do you really know about your spouse’s work? For example, where do they see themselves in five years, career-wise? Do they currently have a stable job? Are they planning on changing their career moves or relocating to work at any point?
7. Realize people change
This one is tough to understand until you have been there, and it especially applies if you say “I Do” at a young age. People change because of life’s circumstances, events, and other influences. Just know, your spouse, even yourself, will change over time. The key to success in your marriage is knowing ahead of time you will need to be able to adapt to a changing spouse, and a changing you, over the years.
8. Sexual chemistry
Research indicates that marital satisfaction was significantly associated with sexual satisfaction. This is largely because of the emotional connection a couple develops during intimate moments.
9. Make sure you can’t live without him/her
Listen, if you date casually now, and if you can go days without talking to him/her, you should reconsider your plans to marry. Marriage is a covenant between two people who are best friends first. Best friends talk. They have conflicts, but they are fair about dealing with conflict. Think about this: If your spouse disappeared from your life today, how would you respond?
The reality is none of us are promised tomorrow. We know, stop with the depressing talk. This is reality, and once all the parties and celebrations are over, reality hits you between the eyes like a baseball thrown at 95 MPH. If you two aren’t even friends now, maybe you should consider your decision: marriage is a commitment for life.
10. If you can trust each other
Trust is essential for a healthy, thriving relationship. Partners must be able to know that their spouse is trustworthy and loyal before getting married.
11. Be prepared to give 100%
You have heard the cute little saying, “marriage is 50/50”, right? Well, that’s crap. It is not 50/50, in fact, it is more like you give all you have and your spouse gives all they have, plus some. Marriage will chew you up and spit you out if you go into it thinking you can get by with giving half an effort. It does not work that way.
12. Never stop dating
Do you remember the very first time you and your spouse, or future spouse, went on a date? Do you recall how your heart was beating out of your chest at some point during this date? Sometimes, after the vows are exchanged, us men especially tend to sit back on cruise control. Don’t do this! Celebrate her! Celebrate him!
Pursue your lover as if he/she is still considering spending their life with you as a lifetime commitment. When you love, respect, and pursue your spouse, you will reap unending rewards. Yes, guys, sometimes this means sex. To men, be men. Your wife wants someone to lead the way. Lead her by loving her, respecting her, and never, ever, stop pursuing her.