Men do some really weird stuff, particularly when around a woman they like. Making too many dating mistakes while still in the courting process can end a relationship before it has time to get off the ground – and that happens all too often in today’s world.
However, if you’re going to put yourself out there, you’re inevitably going to make a few mistakes. Many of the most common dating mistakes can be easily avoided, provided that you’re aware of them.
Here are the 15 dating mistakes guys make and how to avoid them
1. Show up without a game plan
While you should never have a rigid plan for much of anything in life, you should at least have a concept of how you want your date to go. Have a loose plan for what you’ll be doing and where you’ll be going on the date, and it’ll show that you’re capable of making decent decisions as well.
How to avoid it: Ask yourself before you leave for the date “If everything goes perfect, what will we do on the date? Where will we eat? What will we do after that?” Etc. Then go over the answers to the questions on your way there, so you can say them semi-assertively when the moment arises.
2. Bringing up past relationships
Men who’ve had painful past relationships want to talk about them. Sometimes these men speak of their exes with negativity. The bitter attitudes these guys display about their past relationships turn off the women that hear their stories.
How to avoid it: Do not bring up past relationships. If the woman you’re seeing does broach the subject, do not talk negatively about any of your exes. Keep the conversation brief and general, then move on to a different subject.
3. Lack confidence
Too much confidence can also be a killer, but coming up short on it is a lot more common. Confidence can be faked as well as anything, so there’s really no reason not to pretend to be at least remotely cool with yourself no matter how self-deprecating you really are.
How to avoid it: Whenever you start to get nervous around a date (or potential date), think of a song that makes you feel like you’re the greatest.
4. Being too rigid
A mistake a lot of men make is that they treat the women they are after like their business colleagues. They expect women to be punctual, obedient, and structured. These men expect their rules to be obeyed without exceptions. They easily get flustered when things aren’t going their way.
How to avoid it: Be calm, laid-back, and positive throughout all your interactions with women – especially when they break your rules! If a woman is late, you want to sub-communicate to her that her action was not acceptable, but you want to do it in a playful way. Let her know that you noticed it, but you are not upset about it.
5. Expect sex on every date
Sure, sometimes you go out and end up getting some. Great for you, that’s really cool. Sometimes you don’t, and you have to realize that it’s totally fine. When you stop trying to stick it in every woman you’re mildly interested in, you’ll realize how much easier life is when not driven by constant expectations and desires for sex.
How to avoid it: Go on a first date (and often a second/third date) assuming you’re not going to get laid. Be prepared, just in case you do, but then at least it’ll be a pleasant surprise if it does happen.
Being too agreeable demonstrates to her that you have no opinions of your own or that you do not stand up for what you believe in. A woman wants a MAN that will be a bit of a CHALLENGE for her, not a man that will bend over backwards to please her.
How to avoid it: Think for yourself and do not submit to a woman’s every request just because you think that will make her happy. Uphold your values and beliefs. When interacting with a woman, share your own thoughts. If you disagree with anything she says, feel free to let her know in a socially acceptable manner. Don’t be controlling, but stay in control.
7. Making Excuses for Shortcomings
Do not make excuses for any shortcomings you have around women. Making excuses won’t change how these women feel about you, and your excuses will only make you seem like a bigger loser in their eyes.
How to avoid it: Work on improving yourself in the areas you feel you need improvement, but never make apologies for things that are out of your control. If anyone thinks you are too short, bald, or fat – do not make excuses for yourself. Do not become insecure about your shortcomings. Treat other people’s comments as though they were telling you something you already know. Do NOT become emotional. Do not let their comments unbalance you. The best thing to do is to ignore the comment and move on. If that doesn’t work, agree and exaggerate. Only apologize for mistakes you’ve made, not for characteristics you lack.
8. Seeking approval
Many men seek the approval of women. These men try to say the things women want to hear and do the things women want them to do. They avoid saying or doing anything that might cause any tension. The problem is that these approval seeking men become predictable because women learn to anticipate their actions.
How to avoid it: Stop caring about what a woman thinks of you. Don’t say or do things just to get a woman to like you. If a woman wants you to do something that you wouldn’t normally do for a friend, decline her request.
9. Buying things
As a man, you should not constantly be spending money on a woman. Buying a woman flowers, gifts, dinners, and trips sub-communicates to her that you don’t think you are a man of value. She will think you feel you have to compensate for your insecurities by spending lots of money proving yourself to her.
How to avoid it: Don’t buy drinks, flowers, or jewelry for a woman unless she has earned them. Don’t pay for everything when you are out with her. If you are going to a bar, volunteer to buy the first round – tell her she can buy the second and stick to what you say. If you invited her somewhere, pay for that event. Don’t be cheap, but at the same time don’t take a woman to expensive places and spend your money on expensive things.
10. Giving too many compliments
Giving women too many compliments is the equivalent of buying them things – only instead of giving them tangible goods, you are providing an overabundance of validation. Women are complimented constantly on their strengths. If a woman is beautiful, she knows it – men have frequently complimented her on her looks.
How to avoid it: Use compliments sparingly. Give a compliment only when you feel it’s genuine and based on a unique characteristic the woman posses. If in doubt, never compliment a woman on her appearance or looks. Instead, choose a personality trait that you admire in her and compliment her on that.
Bragging is an insecure way used to try to prove to another person that you are a person of value. A man that brags usually overcompensates for his insecurities or lack in his personality.
How to avoid it: Learn to rely on your own validation, not the validation of others. Let your car, house, wealth, and accomplishments speak for themselves. A woman will be more impressed if she sees something you posses, rather than hear you bragging about it. Bragging is not an effective way to demonstrate you are a person of worth because it is too overt.
12. Trying too hard
A lot of men try too hard when they are with a woman they like. These men try to do all the right things. They go out of their way to make sure everything is perfect. Women can sense this and become turned off by it.
How to avoid it: When you are interacting with a woman that you find exceptional, the best way to be is how you are normally around your friends. Treat her like a friend and don’t go out of your way to put her up on a pedestal. A beautiful woman wants to be treated like a normal person, not a goddess.
13. Being Predictable
Being predictable is boring. Women do not want to date men that have no imagination. Women want excitement – they want to have fun.
How to avoid it: Avoid the typical dinner and a movie date. Instead, invite a woman to an outdoor concert, the beach, an intimate bar, or a fun event where you can have an interesting conversation with her. Talk about your aspirations, passions, and life experiences. Share things about yourself, but not everything.
14. Revealing feelings too soon
If a guy likes a woman, he will want to tell her how much he likes her before he even fully knows her. A woman wants to know that you do not fawn over every beautiful face you see. She wants to feel that she is unique and that she has earned your emotions.
How to avoid it: Do not tell a woman how much you like her until you have been intimate with her. By then she should already know you like her without you having to verbalize it.
15. Failing tests
Women test men for strength by giving them tests. These tests are meant to unbalance a man and make him emotional. In a few cases, a test can even be one of the signs that a girl likes you.
How to avoid it: Never become angry or emotional when a woman tests you. Don’t let anything she says affect you. Stay calm and relaxed either by making a joke out of the whole test or by ignoring it altogether. If she pushes it, take a moment and respond in a relaxed, non-nonchalant way.