Common Silent Killers in a Relationship
Silent killers are so dangerous because it can be very hard to miss them even when you’re trying to pay attention.
Unlike major things like cheating, these types of relationship ruiners aren’t easy to spot. It’s important to be aware of them before it’s too late to do anything about it.
You really have to keep yourself informed of what these silent killers do so that you would be able to police yourself in the relationship should they ever arise.
Here are some silent relationship killers that almost always lead to divorce, according to experts:
1. Attention
You really need to pay attention to your partner whenever they talk to you – you can’t just hear what they’re saying. You really have to listen to them and understand them in a very deep, intimate, and personal capacity.
2. Conflict Avoidance
Most people try to avoid conflict because it’s uncomfortable. Avoiding conflict is a silent relationship killer because it prevents the opportunity for addressing the conflict to take place. When you aren’t addressing conflicts, you’re allowing the negativity to fester. The important thing here is to learn how to deal with conflict in the right way. “Not learning these skills is a sure way to kill your relationship silently. See How to Resolve Relationship Conflicts without Losing your Partner
3. Affection
If your partner is making an effort to be affectionate and loving with you, then you must always make it a point to reciprocate those efforts. You never want your partner to feel like this is a one-sided love and that they have to do most of the work.
4. Invalidating Emotions
This is a tough one to avoid because it sometimes happens without you realizing it. For instance, if your partner says they’re cold but you aren’t, it’s easy to say, “It’s not that cold” without thinking anything of it. But little off-hand remarks like this can add up.
You may not mean to be offensive. But if your partner sees it that way, it’s going to be a problem. When a person feels invalidated, they often feel disconnected and unheard. These two characteristics combined will definitely work to deteriorate a relationship quickly.
5. Time
A relationship is like a plant. If you don’t give it the time, attention, and care that it needs, it’s eventually going to die. That’s why you always have to make sure to devote a lot of your time and attention to your relationship no matter how busy you are.
6. Patience and Understanding
You should always make sure that you practice full patience and understanding with your partner whenever they screw up. They’re not perfect, and they aren’t always going to make the right decisions all the time. You have to make them feel as if there is room for them to make mistakes every once in a while.
7. Unresolved Trauma
Everyone enters a relationship with baggage. But failing to deal with baggage or past trauma can hurt your relationship without you realizing it. When a person suffers from trauma that remains unresolved, they’re often incapable of living their lives without responding to some form of triggers related to that trauma.
For instance, if you’ve been cheated on in the past, your partner going away for a work trip might cause you to become worried, anxious, and insecure. So instead of letting your partner do their own thing, you’ll feel the need to check up on them and stay in constant contact. Dealing with past trauma isn’t always easy to do by yourself. Therapy can be helpful in this case.
8. Resentment
Unhealed resentments in a relationship can be a death knoll for a break-up. Resentment can show in many different forms. Your partner may keep bringing up the past, they may be passive-aggressive, sarcastic or snarky about certain topics. When there’s resentment in the relationship, it usually means there’s not enough open and honest communication. If you’re going to make your marriage last, communication is essential.
9. Unrealistic expectations
It’s perfectly normal to have certain expectations in a relationship. What isn’t normal is when your expectations become a little too unrealistic. You always want to make it a point of setting realistic expectations for your partner so that you don’t set yourself up for disappointment.
10. White lies about money
Divorces are caused by financial issues more than anything else. Many couples keep their finances separate. Not surprisingly, this does not bring couples closer together. If one person is a spender and the other is a saver, you’re going to have fights. When one person hides their finances and the other finds out, it’s going to lead to trust issues. If your marriage is going to work, being on the same page financially from day one will help you avoid seeking out a divorce attorney.
11. Too much control
You should never look to be too controlling of your partner. Always want to be encouraging one another to be your own person. You always want to support your partner and make them feel as if they were free to be or do whatever they want. It shouldn’t be in your place to hold them back from being who they need to be.
12. Stonewalling
Stonewalling happens when a person withdraws or shuts down during a conversation or argument. They emotionally or mentally close themselves off from their partner due to being physiologically flooded or agitated to the point where they can’t discuss an issue respectfully. You can’t solve problems when one person isn’t making an effort to do so.
13. Change
Ideally, you and your partner will continue to grow together as time goes on. But that isn’t always the case. Some people change and find out they’ve outgrown their partner or the relationship. Change is inevitable. If both partners aren’t changing and moving forward in the same direction, it’s not going to work.
It’s important to pay close attention to these relationship killers because they start off pretty subtle. Chances are, you won’t even realize these are doing any harm until you find yourself with nothing but negative feelings towards your partner. Being mindful of these subtle things can help you avoid divorce.